I told myself to return to the church in which I was raised; I tried… I decided to surround myself with encouraging friends and make everything alright; It didn’t work… I thought I had healed, or nearly so; Instead, a deep scar, surrounded by a lack of respect, was unearthed… I had hoped to regain my joy of attending church each Sunday; but it did not happen.
Have I lost my faith? Absolutely not, nor have I conceded. I may be absent from that body of believers, but by no means have I seceded from the body of Christ. Whether it is temporary or permanent, I truly believe God has closed that door at this time, and I am to proceed forward… Of course, I keep returning, hoping to find a small crack wherein to grasp the familiar. But is that trust in God? No, it is only fear of the unknown and not wanting to face change. I’m assured, however, that God is with me along every pathway I choose to travel, so I draw strength from Him and continue forward.
I am not writing this because of my human condition, but instead to encourage others to press on. If you’ve become disillusioned with what goes on within the walls of a church… don’t allow yourself to implode. Instead, search elsewhere. The Bible tells us that Christians were ridiculed, persecuted, and killed for their beliefs, but they still gathered and continued following Christ.
We are not meant to withdraw and live a solitary existence. Though the road may be painful, gathering in the midst of other Christians ignites growth and helps us to leave the past behind. In so doing, we experience true spiritual renewal. In my search, I have found a church where I am truly being fed. I do not know if that is where God wants me to remain, or whether it is a temporary place, but for now, my thirst is being quenched. May God bless you this day.
